I am starting a series for September that are talking about depression and my experience with it. Although I thankfully feel so much better now, I wrote all these posts while dealing with the depression and living in what I called a dark hole for a long time. I am finally strong enough to share my pain and struggle with you, and I 100% feel it is necessary to share this even with being out of it because I know I am not alone. It is important that we all know that people are dealing with things we do not see. Please share these posts as you read them because as I said you never know who needs to read them. Xo
In case you missed the previous post you can read it here:
I consider myself a strong happy person so when the light went away and I found myself in a deep dark hole clawing at the walls to escape with no progress I remember being so confused. How did I get there so quickly? How do I get out?
Starting a company with no other job has been very difficult. Not something I recommend. I had lost my identity and in doing so every set back dug me deeper into that hole. To the point I could barely see the light peeking through the top.
I sat like that for a while trying everything I could think of to get out. Work harder. Workout more to feel better about my body. Have a glass of wine. Work harder some more. Listen to as many podcasts I could. Read all the self help books I could find. Practice meditation. Lots of happiness meditation. Abundance meditation. Anxiety meditation.
Here’s how things changed and the light became all around me.
I said the D word! Out loud to my friend. Actually I said it and burst into tears.
That was it. That was the beginning. I wasn’t ashamed about it anymore. I wasn’t struggling by myself anymore. It was out there. And guess what… I received so much love and support back.
That shed the first layer.
Then I had the opportunity to meet with my Mentor, Jess Tetu. I listened to her story, her struggles and how she persevered. I asked questions. I fought back the urge to cry in front of her because I was telling my story. I also wasn’t sleeping well so tears had become a regular thing that could easily happen. She inspired me. She had been through so much and look at what she has overcome to get to where she is. Look what she still overcomes every day.
Then my meditation. I can’t even remember what kind of meditation it was. Here’s how this worked out. I was finishing my workout and just couldn’t do it anymore. I laid on the floor, looked up at the ceiling crying and prayed. Prayed hard for help. For guidance. For a sign. Something to know I was heard and was being helped. Then when I was done crying I got back up. Finished my workout and did my morning meditation. During this meditation I had a complete calming effect. And then a tingle. A tingle that spread through our my whole body and lasted for what felt like 2 minutes. I had never had that before. I knew deep in my heart that god was watching over me. He was guiding me. Helping me. I felt touched.
For a whole week a single thought about this would make me break out into tears.
I started to open my heart up and to my surprise things started happening. Business was building. I was finding little successes. I was out of the hole and working towards more.
I know that hole is a trip away so I am remembering being thankful. I am celebrating every step. I feel empowered that god is there with me.
Things happen for a reason. I have had many positive things happen since I first said the D word. If you are struggling do not keep it to yourself. Tell someone and ask for help. Struggling by yourself only makes that hole deeper. That person might have the answer you are looking for or maybe they are just a good friend there to support you.
This blog feature is very dear to my heart as I have completely opened up about my experiences in hopes that i encourage someone else dealing with depression to do the same and pull themselves out of their hole. Please share this post as you never know who is masking their depression with this perfect shiny exterior.